I was thinking about giving myself time to think and be with myself and my thoughts. I have noticed lately that I’m always looking for my headphones and my phone to watch YouTube videos non-stop in my free time. At breakfast, lunch, dinner… even when I’m shaving in the morning! And I have reached the conclusion that I do that because I don’t want to think about my fears. I’m constantly stressed out with my work, because I have taken up a few projects that are a bit too much to handle and I’m overwhelmed. So I fear failure, and being always late with my commitments. And I also fear that I am not taking enough time to build a team that will help me cope with my excess of work. Above all, I have two deep fears: one is small, I think I can handle it, that I’m not as good a profesional as my ever challenging work demands; and the other one is the big one, the really big fear, that I’m wasting the little time I have in this world, and that, when I look back to my life, the minute before I dye, if I even have that minute, I will regret all the years that I’m giving to my profession. But I really don’t know what to do to change that. So I run away from those fears hooking myself to a constant video stream that switches off my brain. That’s why I think that I need to change that habit, shut down the noise and go back to living with my thoughts.
